You Are (Probably) Already on a List (transcript)
(Acetone transfer of handwriting) [words crossed out] You are (probably) already on a list. : - Him
[drawing of a heart with the words within] You + Her
(Acetone transfer of handwriting) As I evolve a human, in a [two female symbols] relationship, I am realizing I have my own internalized homophobia, grown out of fear, likely.
(Acetone transfer of handwriting) I want to marry a woman too... Although I'm far from engaged, I think of these fears as well.
Acetone transfer of handwriting) I LOVE HER SO MUCH. WHY IS LOVE NOT JUST LOVE? HOW DID THINGS GET SO FUCKED UP?
There's nothing quite like being closeted in a Catholic middle school. So much love behind a plaid uniform, so delicate. As summer break approaches every year, I feel more and more free - sunshine brings warmth and strength. 'School's out', so am I.
I keep waiting to receive my first death threat.
I remember listening to my partner (my fiance) pleading with her family not to vote for this man, this regime. I remember how I thought she succeeded & how wrong I turned out to be. I remember how pleased they seemed when he won, and how it felt like a punch to the gut. These are the same people we called the night I proposed, the same people who said they were so happy for us, the same people who are going to sit at our wedding having voted for politicians who claim our right to marry is a mistake they intend to correct.
I asked my girlfriend to marry me year 10, 15, 20. I didn't year 25 or 30. She always had a reason but mostly it was fear of putting her name on a list. She really worried that one day things could really change + someone would come get us - wipe out all gays like they did in WWII- or Germany that is. Year 34 she asked me to marry. She wanted to be counted after Trump was elected. For the first time I thought it could really happen - a list, a cleaning up of America. We are married now. That feels great. But now I am the one who thinks it really might be a different USA in a few years - even worse than now, but we were already on a list for sure.